Irresistible Trepidation

“Peeeks! Kinakabahan na ako. May result na daw kasi within 10 days. Positive result please! Huhuhu...”

This text message is sent to me by my very good college girl friend/former roomie peks Joyce Hermoso dated this cloudy afternoon in my hometown. Guess what I felt after reading this message? Ugh, jeez. The usual human anxiety sentiments such as palpitations, jitteriness, muscle tension, restlessness, and worry. Just like any nursing graduate who took this Licensure Exam for Nursing and also went along all through this process. This paralytic fear that anyone wouldn’t want to feel either, keeps on getting into my nerves. It spoils my HAPPINESS. I even hear voices in my head where my angel talks big about how successful I may be after I pass this test whilst my devil brags on how my world would crash if I may not succeed in this vast trial. Please be considerate of me writing all this drama!

The NLE (Nursing Licensure Examinations) is just a massive deal for me. Mainly, because I suppose I behaved well when I was in college. IKR? Yes, I mean behaved well because I always think of how hard it is for my parents to raise a lot of expenses just to get me into college. As a consequence, I maintained being apprehensive and mindful of my actions and responsibilities while on board. That is what I meant of unmaliciously well behaved I was. Okay. I’ve entered the college of nursing studying its art and moulding myself on being a good and professional nurse someday. I did not aspire for this career path but I have benefited from it. I eventually learned how to love and appreciate it as well. I even got fixated in studying its ethics, specialty, and consecration that led me to desire to study in Med school. Which is I hope, I could take up depending on my family’s financial statements.

I constantly question myself each time I reflect on how hard it is... to wait. Specifically, that is to wait for the NLE results.

Does this examination really judge you on how bright and clever you are? Does this improve your sexiness and will beautify you to the eyes of other people? Does this test proclaim your success or failure in life? Would your parents still be proud of you? Would your friends still be there for you no matter what the result might be? Would you be able to tell God that you’re faithful enough and very blessed that you’ve faced this challenge? All this I asked every single day upon waiting, waiting and waiting until the final verdict of this exam comes out.

I’m just perfectly scared, loved, fearful and happy right now... And this is my irresistible trepidation. 

To God be the Glory!