God has a purpose

My first ever job application was like a whirlwind!

Everything was a whirlwind! The whole thing that happened to me for the past few days was as fast as a speed of light. I used such idiomatic expression because it all happened in high-speed and I felt happy about it in the beginning. It overpowered me to the extent that I almost breakdown from normal consciousness. From exhausting myself out of night out parties in my apartment, meeting a bunch of new “barkada” of a close friend in college, befalling insomnia attacks during night time while chit chatting with friends on-line, turning out to be an eating machine while staying sedentary at home, opening my heart again to someone who turn out to be so special to me, dying of anxiety upon waiting for a result that could change my whole perspective in life, nailing a first ever job application in just a day, and above all, falling into pieces after an unfortunate and heart-rending fiasco concerning my future career path. But I guess all good things will come to an end, eventually.

I have failed several times and I know that you know how it feels like to fail something in particular that you wouldn’t want to be unsuccessful with. As the saying goes, “only those who are asleep make no mistakes” which explains how I learn from others' frustrations but it is still my own failure that is going to teach me the most valuable lesson in life. 

HE had a reason for all of this. This wouldn't happen without his real purpose why it all occurred. GOD IS JUST REALLY GOOD. He all did this according to his plans. It was clearly polished and took off in the right track. I believe all of this because I have great faith in HIM. And I will always remain faithful to HIM all my life.

Living in the Underworld

The underworld is the place of the departed souls. Souls of the dead who have gone into the opposite side of the earth. It is located in the deepest part of the social sphere where souls of the organized crime were settled. Where my broken soul... lost and dispirited... should be given away.

FAILURE IS INEVITABLE. Failing in a specific time, place or event is like living in the underworld where dead people are confused, angry, helpless and bitter. It feels like your soul just wants to vanish in thin air -- or maybe dive in to the innermost part of the underworld where it is nowhere to be found. 

We are all aware that we could never run from life’s failure and letdowns. That’s why there is a Filipino axiom that says, “nasa huli ang pagsisisi” which is translated in english as, “in late repentance”. It is simply because no one ever wishes to fail in the beginning before they realize the true meaning of success in the end. We will suffer different challenges and sacrifices at first before establishing the right path towards success. "Kailangan muna nating madapa at masugatan bago tayo matuto sa’ting mga pagkakamali". In other words, you have to fall back upon humanity and God to enlarge your spirit, learn to stand up, rise and truly understand what success really mean.

I HATE IT WHEN I FAIL. Failing randomly in terms of the following:

1. Being late in class or meeting.

2.Participate in an important event in somebody’s life such as birthdays, victory parties or baptism invitations/christening.

3. Attend a major school activity, specifically, in the college where I belong (Nursing).

4. Tutor my little sister in her Math homework.

5. Missed a call from a special someone or significant other.

6. Iron my clothes neatly and tidily.

7. Fix my hair gorgeously before going out somewhere.

8. Finish my food in an ordinarily normal length of time.

9. Tell my parents stories about my love life and difficulty of work in the course that I have taken.

10. Ace a test.

The tenth random failure covers the most broad and extensive elucidation upon recently going through a foremost tragedy of failing. It is an awful disappointment that I myself hardly imagine that I will experience. I wouldn’t complicate you on its specificity but I assure you a definite heart-breaking aftermath on its subject matter. Things have been really tough for me nowadays and I would still like to make light of what to entail in this post. However, I would consider writing them in detail as soon as I am ready. 

Wish me luck! :)

Irresistible Trepidation

“Peeeks! Kinakabahan na ako. May result na daw kasi within 10 days. Positive result please! Huhuhu...”

This text message is sent to me by my very good college girl friend/former roomie peks Joyce Hermoso dated this cloudy afternoon in my hometown. Guess what I felt after reading this message? Ugh, jeez. The usual human anxiety sentiments such as palpitations, jitteriness, muscle tension, restlessness, and worry. Just like any nursing graduate who took this Licensure Exam for Nursing and also went along all through this process. This paralytic fear that anyone wouldn’t want to feel either, keeps on getting into my nerves. It spoils my HAPPINESS. I even hear voices in my head where my angel talks big about how successful I may be after I pass this test whilst my devil brags on how my world would crash if I may not succeed in this vast trial. Please be considerate of me writing all this drama!

The NLE (Nursing Licensure Examinations) is just a massive deal for me. Mainly, because I suppose I behaved well when I was in college. IKR? Yes, I mean behaved well because I always think of how hard it is for my parents to raise a lot of expenses just to get me into college. As a consequence, I maintained being apprehensive and mindful of my actions and responsibilities while on board. That is what I meant of unmaliciously well behaved I was. Okay. I’ve entered the college of nursing studying its art and moulding myself on being a good and professional nurse someday. I did not aspire for this career path but I have benefited from it. I eventually learned how to love and appreciate it as well. I even got fixated in studying its ethics, specialty, and consecration that led me to desire to study in Med school. Which is I hope, I could take up depending on my family’s financial statements.

I constantly question myself each time I reflect on how hard it is... to wait. Specifically, that is to wait for the NLE results.

Does this examination really judge you on how bright and clever you are? Does this improve your sexiness and will beautify you to the eyes of other people? Does this test proclaim your success or failure in life? Would your parents still be proud of you? Would your friends still be there for you no matter what the result might be? Would you be able to tell God that you’re faithful enough and very blessed that you’ve faced this challenge? All this I asked every single day upon waiting, waiting and waiting until the final verdict of this exam comes out.

I’m just perfectly scared, loved, fearful and happy right now... And this is my irresistible trepidation. 

To God be the Glory!

A Nurse’s Echo.

“NLE Results will be out anytime in between the dates of August 20 to 22”.

This statement that came from a specific review center just shocks the hell out of me and got me into panic!

What I mean is, this repetitive act of significant persons (known in nursing profession) who post dates of NLE results in their Facebook wall is kind of scarring our asses out. Particularly, we, fresh nursing graduates who took the Nursing Licensure Exams last July 2 and 3, 2011. This feeling that I can never really explain until you feel it for yourself is exceedingly mind-blowing. Jeez, I can hardly imagine myself on the day that the results will be out in the internet, newspaper and on television news. This is what I consider as “bitay” or “reclusion perpetua” according to law books. Man, I just needed to blog this and let this out of my head because right now, I am really really scared.

WHOAAAA I NEEDED THIS. I need to shout and blow my own trumpet. Please Lord, let me do this. Allow me to reach my dreams and aspirations as a good nurse. Present me reality. I want to prove myself how far can I go? How bright I may be? I want to acknowledge my own great abilities. I want to maximize my true potentials. And that is... I believe that is... to be an RN this 2011.

Desperate it may seem but yes, this is my echo, a true Nurse’s echo. MAY GOD BLESS US ALL FUTURE RNs of 2011. =)