Irresistible Trepidation

“Peeeks! Kinakabahan na ako. May result na daw kasi within 10 days. Positive result please! Huhuhu...”

This text message is sent to me by my very good college girl friend/former roomie peks Joyce Hermoso dated this cloudy afternoon in my hometown. Guess what I felt after reading this message? Ugh, jeez. The usual human anxiety sentiments such as palpitations, jitteriness, muscle tension, restlessness, and worry. Just like any nursing graduate who took this Licensure Exam for Nursing and also went along all through this process. This paralytic fear that anyone wouldn’t want to feel either, keeps on getting into my nerves. It spoils my HAPPINESS. I even hear voices in my head where my angel talks big about how successful I may be after I pass this test whilst my devil brags on how my world would crash if I may not succeed in this vast trial. Please be considerate of me writing all this drama!

The NLE (Nursing Licensure Examinations) is just a massive deal for me. Mainly, because I suppose I behaved well when I was in college. IKR? Yes, I mean behaved well because I always think of how hard it is for my parents to raise a lot of expenses just to get me into college. As a consequence, I maintained being apprehensive and mindful of my actions and responsibilities while on board. That is what I meant of unmaliciously well behaved I was. Okay. I’ve entered the college of nursing studying its art and moulding myself on being a good and professional nurse someday. I did not aspire for this career path but I have benefited from it. I eventually learned how to love and appreciate it as well. I even got fixated in studying its ethics, specialty, and consecration that led me to desire to study in Med school. Which is I hope, I could take up depending on my family’s financial statements.

I constantly question myself each time I reflect on how hard it is... to wait. Specifically, that is to wait for the NLE results.

Does this examination really judge you on how bright and clever you are? Does this improve your sexiness and will beautify you to the eyes of other people? Does this test proclaim your success or failure in life? Would your parents still be proud of you? Would your friends still be there for you no matter what the result might be? Would you be able to tell God that you’re faithful enough and very blessed that you’ve faced this challenge? All this I asked every single day upon waiting, waiting and waiting until the final verdict of this exam comes out.

I’m just perfectly scared, loved, fearful and happy right now... And this is my irresistible trepidation. 

To God be the Glory!

A Nurse’s Echo.

“NLE Results will be out anytime in between the dates of August 20 to 22”.

This statement that came from a specific review center just shocks the hell out of me and got me into panic!

What I mean is, this repetitive act of significant persons (known in nursing profession) who post dates of NLE results in their Facebook wall is kind of scarring our asses out. Particularly, we, fresh nursing graduates who took the Nursing Licensure Exams last July 2 and 3, 2011. This feeling that I can never really explain until you feel it for yourself is exceedingly mind-blowing. Jeez, I can hardly imagine myself on the day that the results will be out in the internet, newspaper and on television news. This is what I consider as “bitay” or “reclusion perpetua” according to law books. Man, I just needed to blog this and let this out of my head because right now, I am really really scared.

WHOAAAA I NEEDED THIS. I need to shout and blow my own trumpet. Please Lord, let me do this. Allow me to reach my dreams and aspirations as a good nurse. Present me reality. I want to prove myself how far can I go? How bright I may be? I want to acknowledge my own great abilities. I want to maximize my true potentials. And that is... I believe that is... to be an RN this 2011.

Desperate it may seem but yes, this is my echo, a true Nurse’s echo. MAY GOD BLESS US ALL FUTURE RNs of 2011. =)

I value my course.

Currently, I am thinking of 5 proposals (5 having the highest priority) on what to do with my life after finishing school. That is a genuinely HUGE question for everyone who've successfully finished their studies from Nursery to College but unfortunately, are unemployed. 

In my case as a nursing graduate, those are my plans either after passing the board exams and striking an excellent board rating or after passing the board exams and nailing it to the top. TO THE TOP. Oh yes, that is what you call self-efficacy (which is defined in Wikipedia as a person's belief in their own competence). Ha-ha to the nice-to-know definition. I know, both of my choices are positive disregarding the negative (like failing the boards and all that exhausting ideas) because all I need to think of right now is what am I going to do with my life?

Proposal #1: Enter a Call Center Agency

Particularly in JP Morgan Chase located at The Fort where my Godmother (who is also an RN) is working as a Call Center Trainer, IBM Makati and the other companies that are numerous and too well-known to mention.

Proposal #2: Study in Med school

I want to be a doctor but I never dreamt to be one when I was a kid, just like how I've never imagine finishing Nursing as my career path. Occasionally, because I really wanted to take up Linguistics and Communication Arts. I don't know really. I just feel this energy that I still wish to build up my knowledge in the field of medicine.

Proposal #3: Take the NCLEX-RN Exams (National Council Licensure Examination for Registered Nurses)

Aiming to take this exams is one of my goals after I complete the mandatory requirements needed in the country as a Registered Nurse. I need (and not want) to travel abroad and covet for a good job with appropriate salary according to my competency.

Proposal #4: Study MAN (Masters of Arts in Nursing)

Upon searching on the internet, it is said that this program is designed to prepare qualified nurses in the Philippines and abroad for clinical specialization. Basically, this would add on into your qualifications as a Registered Nurse. My dad aspires me to become a Forensic Nurse (an example of a clinical specialization) which is only open for training and education in the U.S.

Proposal #5: Submit an application as a Volunteer Nurse

Unfortunately, nursing job opportunities in the country has been down for several years. Despite the nurse exploitation that are seen in the news, I would still be glad to be a nurse volunteer not because it is a requirement before you become authorized to work abroad, but because I want to face reality. This may sound so plastic but yeah, I value my course and I can be forced to do it.